June 2, 2012 2:11 pm

Red Flag #89: She has a horrible laugh

Women love to lie and tell men that the quickest way into their hearts (and panties) is to make them laugh. The truly fastest way to do both things is to make them jealous.  Jealousy is an unrivaled panty dropper. But, anyway, if women are going to perpetuate this myth that laughter is the king of aphrodisiacs, then at least they could remind certain members of their gender that obnoxious laughter is a crappy reward for good humor.

It’s like, there we are at the bar delivering our best Michael-Scott-as-Chris-Rock impersonation (what you want…a cookie?), just killing it for the beautiful brunette babies surrounding us and we’re being totally money. We’re like a big bear, with big bear claws, and big bear fangs.  We’re just hanging out in the middle of the forest hunting these cute, little virgin bunnies and then all of a sudden a hysterical hyena shows up and lets out her obnoxious laugh. And then she goes and scares all the beautiful bunnies back to their little bunny caves, where big bears can’t get in.  And we’re just like, WTF, where did all the beautiful bunnies go?

And so then there’s just this lone hyena standing there laughing at our comedy routine, but not even realizing she’s ruining the moment  because she’s not a self aware hyena. At that moment we realize we don’t even like hyenas, because they look asymmetrical, and they’re scavengers, and they’re pack animals. And then we realize that’s probably not a fair way to assess their character, but we don’t even care because their laugh is just so awful and it hurts us. It hurts our ears. It hurts our big bear ears. Even though we’re big angry bears, her laughter still hurts us, it’s like bear pepper spray and it stings.

And then we snap out of it and we realize that we’re not big bears in the forest chasing virgin bunnies, we’re just a guy in a bar chasing co-eds and that hyena is just some girl who killed our game with her terrible laugh and we realize that we can’t scare her off with our angry bear growl. So we can only do what we know best and give her a derisive look and a big red flag.

You decide: how red is this flag?
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  • Cracralady

    Swingers, reference. Love it.

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