I hate reality TV. I can’t tell if it’s real or scripted. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh, cry, or be totally indifferent to the story lines. I don’t know if a reality TV show’s characters are going to be around for a decade, a season, an episode, or a segment.
I have met only one girl, as far as I know, who applied to be on a reality TV show. She was a cute co-worker and I made out with her one night on a balcony at a house party and caught a little wood doing so. I occasionally check her Facebook page to see if she still looks decent (she does), if she posts any naughty bathing suit photos (she doesn’t), and if she’s finally gotten engaged to the guy she’s been dating for five years (she hasn’t). She’s a smart, hot, good-natured girl who applied to be on reality TV and she can’t get her man to propose. Can this be a coincidence? I think not.
Let me explain why her reality TV dreams have turned into a red flag nightmare.
First of all, a girl who applies to be on a reality TV show clearly has not thought through the ramifications of actually being selected. Once you’re on the show, you’re inevitably going to look dumb, bitchy, crazy or slutty at some point. It’s one of the Immutable Laws of Female Characters on reality TV shows. It doesn’t matter if you’re on The Real Nuns of Saint Mary’s Convent, the producers will still make you look like a crazy bitch at some point in the show.
Putting your reputation in the hands of a reality TV producer whose livelihood depends on his ability to create jaw-dropping entertainment is like stumbling into a body ink parlor and asking the tattoo artist to give you whatever he thinks looks best. There’s a slight chance you’ll escape with a discrete dragon that wraps around your ankle, but odds are you’ll emerge with some Ancient Chinese characters that mean “I love cock.” This lack of perceptual foresight is one of the many reasons that men think applying for a reality TV show makes you insane. The degree of your insanity just depends on which show you applied for as shown in our Reality TV Pyramid of Insanity infographic:
Beyond the insanity, there’s the whole self-absorbed thing. They say most actors and actresses are self-absorbed and attracted to the stage because they want to be the center of attention. Well, most reality TV applicants are similarly attracted to the limelight except for one important distinction, they are talentless. I’ll exclude American Idol contestants because Kelly Clarkson proved that some of those female Idol contestants have some pickle-tickling vocal talent, but other than the few with good voices, the pool of reality TV applicants is filled with talentless scrubs.
Now some of youwill think that applying to be on reality TV shows demonstrates that you’re adventurous and spontaneous. You’ll be proud of the fact that you made it to the second round of tryouts for Big Brother or that you were an alternate contestant on Road Rules.
But trust your red flag guidance counselor on this one, if a guy knows you applied to be on reality TV, that information is only going to be used against you. So don’t make it your go-to interesting fact on Speed Dating night. Bury this secret deep down inside and don’t ever let it out. I know this will be hard, especially after your third glass of wine the night he finally takes you to Cheesecake Factory, but this is one secret you actually need to keep to yourself.Tweet