Red Flag #78: She has more guy friends than girl friends…

When you have a lot of guy friends and not a lot of girl friends, there are a couple reasons we’re red flagging you, only two of which we’ll readily admit.

First off, you might just be a tomboy.  You love sports, crude jokes, and dressing with a masculine touch. If that’s the case, you don’t have to even worry too much about getting a red flag, we usually just consider you one of the guys and put you in the friend zone.

The second reason for a red flag is that your lack of girl friends indicates  that you have an attitude that girls can’t stand to be around.  Given that all girls are bitches (or so we’ve been told by all girls), it says something particularly damning about your character if women think your brand of bitchiness goes beyond what’s considered reasonable.

Now don’t get us wrong.  We know that when girls say bitchy, they actually just mean that you’re a little more self-centered, competitive, flirtatious, and attention-seeking than they are (which plays horribly among women because they all want a share of that limelight), and so they’re quick to send the loudest and showiest girl to the sideline. But they’re subtle about it. They stop inviting you to book club as the first slap in the face, and then they start forgetting to include you on the emails for girls’ night, and as the final insult, you don’t get the invite to their birthday parties.

They essentially force you to find some guy friends if you want to have a social life.  They are hating the player, and the game.

But perhaps we’ve misjudged your character.  Maybe you weren’t an attention-grubbing flirt. Maybe women couldn’t stand to be around you because you were too nice, too genuine, too honest. Maybe you killed them with kindness and they just couldn’t take it. Maybe you set the bar too high for friendship. Maybe they annoyed you, and you got rid of them. It’s certainly happened before.

If that’s the case, you’d think you were well within reason to give up on befriending women, and instead, you’d think it be justified to focus on finding some good guy friends. After all, guys are known to be less dramatic, less prone to gossip, and more adventurous.

But, alas, the world of red flags is not that simple. There are inconvenient truths you have to deal with. Even if you’ve sought out guy friends for all the right reasons, you’re still getting the red flag. And you can rightfully blame us guys for this one because it’s our fault.

You see, guys are only friends with women who they’d hook up with. They’ll never tell a girl this, but it’s true, for every guy in the world, no exceptions.  Even if you’re adamant about a completely platonic relationship, we’ll hold out hope for that one moment of vulnerability when you’re on the rebound and we’ll get a “gee-you’re-such-a-good-friend” hand job. That’s just a man’s nature. We know there’s the off chance of being forever stuck in the “friend zone” as your fall-back movie buddy, but our intentions are all about the nookie, all the time, even if our interactions seem like friendship.

Because of this inconvenient truth, it’s hard for us to commit to women who have more guys friends than girl friends. Since we know that we can’t be trusted, how do we know we can trust all the guys you’re hanging out with? Which guy respects the sanctity of a committed relationship and really is just a friend and which ones are just waiting for you to get drunk at the bar so they can make a move on you in the restroom?

We also have to worry about a situation where you’re blowing off steam to your friends.  It’s fine if you want to complain about us to your girl friends and have them console you and reaffirm how much we suck, but if you involve guys there are bound to be territorial and ego issues involved and that could lead to some fisticuffs. Plus, they could have ulterior motives when giving you “advice” and throw us even further under the bus.

Add in some trivial issues like you not having any girl friends to escort you to the bathroom, no one to watch chick flicks with, and no one who can sympathize with you when you’re on your period and it becomes the perfect recipe for a red flag.

And so this becomes a question of trade-offs. Deal with some of the gossiping, backstabbing, and drama inherent to most female friendships and eventually find true love, happiness, marriage, horse & carriage and all that, or give it all up and start collecting guy friends like they’re designer purses and endure a never ending, single life of awkward conversations with guy friends where you explain how you love them like brothers but are not attracted to them “in that romantic way.” Which do you choose?

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