July 13, 2012 3:24 pm

Red Flag #78: She has more guy friends than girl friends…

Exactly the situation we fear. Platonic camping trip becomes a pants off, dance off.

When you have a lot of guy friends and not a lot of girl friends, there are a couple reasons we’re red flagging you, only two of which we’ll readily admit.

First off, you might just be a tomboy.  You love sports, crude jokes, and dressing with a masculine touch. If that’s the case, you don’t have to even worry too much about getting a red flag, we usually just consider you one of the guys and put you in the friend zone.

The second reason for a red flag is that your lack of girl friends indicates  that you have an attitude that girls can’t stand to be around.  Given that all girls are bitches (or so we’ve been told by all girls), it says something particularly damning about your character if women think your brand of bitchiness goes beyond what’s considered reasonable.

Now don’t get us wrong.  We know that when girls say bitchy, they actually just mean that you’re a little more self-centered, competitive, flirtatious, and attention-seeking than they are (which plays horribly among women because they all want a share of that limelight), and so they’re quick to send the loudest and showiest girl to the sideline. But they’re subtle about it. They stop inviting you to book club as the first slap in the face, and then they start forgetting to include you on the emails for girls’ night, and as the final insult, you don’t get the invite to their birthday parties.

Is this what your ex-girl friends are thinking?

They essentially force you to find some guy friends if you want to have a social life.  They are hating the player, and the game.

But perhaps we’ve misjudged your character.  Maybe you weren’t an attention-grubbing flirt. Maybe women couldn’t stand to be around you because you were too nice, too genuine, too honest. Maybe you killed them with kindness and they just couldn’t take it. Maybe you set the bar too high for friendship. Maybe they annoyed you, and you got rid of them. It’s certainly happened before.

If that’s the case, you’d think you were well within reason to give up on befriending women, and instead, you’d think it be justified to focus on finding some good guy friends. After all, guys are known to be less dramatic, less prone to gossip, and more adventurous.

But, alas, the world of red flags is not that simple. There are inconvenient truths you have to deal with. Even if you’ve sought out guy friends for all the right reasons, you’re still getting the red flag. And you can rightfully blame us guys for this one because it’s our fault.

You see, guys are only friends with women who they’d hook up with. They’ll never tell a girl this, but it’s true, for every guy in the world, no exceptions.  Even if you’re adamant about a completely platonic relationship, we’ll hold out hope for that one moment of vulnerability when you’re on the rebound and we’ll get a “gee-you’re-such-a-good-friend” hand job. That’s just a man’s nature. We know there’s the off chance of being forever stuck in the “friend zone” as your fall-back movie buddy, but our intentions are all about the nookie, all the time, even if our interactions seem like friendship.

Because of this inconvenient truth, it’s hard for us to commit to women who have more guys friends than girl friends. Since we know that we can’t be trusted, how do we know we can trust all the guys you’re hanging out with? Which guy respects the sanctity of a committed relationship and really is just a friend and which ones are just waiting for you to get drunk at the bar so they can make a move on you in the restroom?

Yo Biz Markie, should we believe her? She say he just a friend…

We also have to worry about a situation where you’re blowing off steam to your friends.  It’s fine if you want to complain about us to your girl friends and have them console you and reaffirm how much we suck, but if you involve guys there are bound to be territorial and ego issues involved and that could lead to some fisticuffs. Plus, they could have ulterior motives when giving you “advice” and throw us even further under the bus.

Add in some trivial issues like you not having any girl friends to escort you to the bathroom, no one to watch chick flicks with, and no one who can sympathize with you when you’re on your period and it becomes the perfect recipe for a red flag.

And so this becomes a question of trade-offs. Deal with some of the gossiping, backstabbing, and drama inherent to most female friendships and eventually find true love, happiness, marriage, horse & carriage and all that, or give it all up and start collecting guy friends like they’re designer purses and endure a never ending, single life of awkward conversations with guy friends where you explain how you love them like brothers but are not attracted to them “in that romantic way.” Which do you choose?

You decide: how red is this flag?
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  • stevielynn

    Biz Markie, I heart you.

  • greetings from the friendzone

    I hate this.
    Why do you have to be like that? First you disregard all tomboys, since they don’t really count as girls or something…Then you go on about how every guy wants to bone his every female friend ever.
    Do you think it’s impossible for one girl to seem perfectly doable to you, while her male friends might see her as “one of the guys”?
    But that’s just unlikely, isn’t it?
    This whole thing sucks and I hate you guys for describing it so accurately.

    • Caros

      no one cares what you hate. this is a site for men, not women, you hate it? get the fuck out. men don’t always have to make everything they do and say comfortable to women. not everything has to appease you women

  • Nickki

    I’ve had more guy friends since third grade there were a few other line minded girls but we were all mainly trying to avoid the girls who wouldn’t put on their big girl panties and dissect dead animals we found on the playground or would cry when playing cops and robbers and go “Mrs. Tracy! Mrs. Tracy! Austin made his fingers like a gun and said bang bang!”

  • fuck off

    this is gay

  • cellchic

    I have my girl friends from college, but 1) that was over ten years ago. 2) We are all scattered all over the states now. and 3) They are all married with 2+ kids while I am single and childless. I do not resent them for their happy families, my life choices are mine, I own them. But have you ever tried to coordinate a girls’ get-together with 7-8 working women, when all but one have children to think about? It’s not easy. I have a few guy friends, one of which is my bestfriend. We go to movies together, and we try to meet up for dinner and drinks at least twice a month to catch up. And we usually turn to each other for relationship advice and It is given, without alterior motives or malice. And if a guy I am interested in dating can’t handle that, if he is too insecure with himself or that untrusting in me, he is not worth my time. Therefore, I would have to go with option B in this essay, I will keep my guys friends.

  • sprezzatura15

    Yeah… haven’t agreed with most of the stuff on this site, but this one’s pretty spot on :P Only problem is, I seem like a girly girl in my looks and habits, but my interests are totally tomboy, so most galpals end up boring me lol.

  • Bobbie

    “When you have a lot of guy friends and not a lot of girl friends, there are a couple reasons we’re red flagging you, only two of which we’ll readily admit.”

    A couple = two.

  • Caros

    this is all that needs to be said….

  • Guest

    You guys pretty much nailed it. Even if the woman needs all guy friends to boost her ego, that’s still a weak trait and a deal braker. Definite red flag. So many women hate other women….isn’t that sexist or something.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Connelly/1001885479 Anthony Connelly

    You guys pretty much nailed it. Even if the woman needs all guy friends to boost her ego, that’s still a weak trait and a deal breaker. Definite red flag. So many women hate other women….isn’t that sexist or something.

  • Gina

    I’ll take the guy friends. Less heartache, less headache.

  • Kara

    This is soo funny I have two close girl friends and like 4 close guy friends. My boyfriend isn’t threatened and he has no reason to be. Guy friends will always stay in the friend zone there is no escaping the friend zone . I’m a girly girl on the outside but a Tomboy at heart. I actually have more problems with my guy friends dates who seem to view me as a threat because I dress very feminine. But once they get to know me they are cool with it

  • wow really

    Just because a girl tends to have quite a few friends of the opposite sex does not mean that she’s automatically an attention whore or has ulterior motives. Maybe it’s because they’re just friends. Simple, no?
    I do have a few female friends, and we get along just fine, and I also have a lot of male friends who I’ve known for YEARS, and we have never had any sorts of attraction towards each other. Never will. My boyfriend knows and is fine with it. He’s met them, and isn’t threatened one bit because he TRUSTS me. I love him and I would never do anything like that, and he loves me and would never do that either.
    If you are too insecure to accept that, then you aren’t worth dating. That’s a problem that YOU on your own need to fix.
    To answer your question, I’d choose my friends any day as opposed to trying to change who I associate with in order to satisfy incredibly insecure d-bags like yourselves.

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