That’s what we’ll be thinking when we notice your meticulously placed arrangement of stuffed animals staring back at us from your bed.
Before you start with the excuses, we’re not talking about Michael the Bear, who you named in your infancy, who’s been there through thick and thin, and who has lived through multiple moves, not to mention a plethora of ex-boyfriends. We get that you might have a sentimental teddy and while we’d rather it came from La Perla, we can deal with one fuzzy friend that happens to also be inanimate. Emphasis on one.
When your bedroom starts to resemble a furry zoo, we start to worry that you’re emotionally tied to your past in a way that’s preventing you from growing up. That’s a dangerous situation to get into if we ever consider this as something that’s long-term. If you can’t part with a few balls of stuffing in cute animal shapes, how can we expect you to be prepared for a relationship with, you know… a real person?
A woman with a cohort of stuffed animals also often doubles up on red flags as she’s probably the type of person that needs constant attention and coddling. If we don’t get you flowers for coming home late last Friday, don’t sign your anniversary card in the right handwriting, or don’t give you a standing ovation for brushing your teeth, you’ll get mad that we aren’t showering you with enough love and you’ll demand to know who we’ve been cheating on you with. Though now that you bring it up, you may not be entirely off base considering what a major mood killer it is to toss Molly the Monkey and Ellie the one-eared elephant to the floor every time we want to get laid.Tweet