April 12, 2012 10:48 am

Red Flag #51: She gets dressed up to go to the airport…

Relationship Red Flag: Dressed Up at AirportIn the spectrum of locations that men would most want to avoid, airports are right up there with the mall, your parents’ house, and a Mexican jail after a night of head-shaking, whistle-blowing tequila shots and regretful conversations with nice middle-aged Mexican women that end in said jail stay. It’s not surprising, then, that we aren’t too welcoming of women that make this process, and life as we know it, even worse.

We’ve already talked about our understanding of women who take extra care for looking good, so we don’t need to rehash that we understand that appearance is important to you. In the context of traveling, we further understand that fashion can have other benefits, some of which we love because they extend to us. For instance, preferential treatment by TSA employees. Traveling with a woman in a tight-fitting dress and four-inch heels makes our chances of skipping the security line increase tenfold. Not to mention, it’s always nice to have a bit of eye candy when everywhere we look we see women donning purple stretch pants and Tazmanian Devil T-shirts as they take off their LA Gears in order to get through security. You’re like a breath of fresh air; like a cold beer on a hot, sunny day. Using our inborn manly logical reasoning skills, though, we’d probably rather date the beer.

It’s no secret that you’re high maintenance, but our worry goes far beyond that. Airport travelling involves so much standing, walking, and sitting, which is really not conducive to wearing clothes that were meant for the runway. We’ll have to hear you complain about how uncomfortable you are, and we’ll also have to worry about the other times when you prefer choosing fashion over function – like wearing a scarf when it’s warm outside.

If you’re getting dressed up to go to the airport, it’s a foregone conclusion that you’re also checking your bag. And by bag, we mean bags, because clearly you’ll have one devoted solely to your shoes. This bag, probably Louis Vitton or Vera Bradley, could ruin our trip on its own. Prior to arriving at the airport, we’ll cringe and roll our eyes (internally, of course…we’re not that dumb) when we pack the car. But we won’t say anything. Once we get to the airport, we’ll have to unload it and lift it up to have it weighed. At this point we’ll be really upset, as not only will our backs start hurting, we’ll have to pay an extra $20 since your bag is too heavy. But we won’t say anything. Finally, once we arrive at our destination, we’ll stand there and grit our teeth as we prepare to have to push a couple people aside, grab your stupid bow-covered bag, and lift it off the conveyor belt without killing someone. Forgetting what happens when we open our mouths, we’ll mutter something along the lines of “are you really going to use all these shoes?” at which point our trip will be completely ruined as it is filled with your death stares, guilt-inducing remarks, and your refusal for any physical act that could in any way be considered a form of sex.

In other words, just wear a pair of nice jeans and a cute top.

You decide: how red is this flag?
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  • Rapunzela

    Maybe your complaint is that she dresses impractically for the airport (or anywhere else). Predictably being so uncomfortable that you complain is a problem (think stilettos running down a long concourse). On the other hand, getting through security (or any other line) faster is a solution. Looking good enough to attract the most charming or interesting companion is worthwhile. Getting upgraded to first class is the ultimate in commercial travel solutions. And no one has ever complained when I’ve worn leather to the airport ;-)

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