Red Flag #36: She posts more than once a day on Facebook…

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. This is a public service announcement to help fight Facebook Over-Posting Syndrome, commonly known as F.O.P.S.  or Foppers disease.  Women who post more than once a day on Facebook are at high risk for being viewed as self-absorbed, sexually unfulfilled, and kinda fat.  Beware, women diagnosed with Foppers  may not notice the initial symptoms of being perceived as self-absorbed or unfulfilled, but will immediately break out in a fit of rage once friends start thinking they are kinda fat.

Common signs of Foppers disease include repeated posts about her unimportant whereabouts, her mundane household chores, or her recent drama with her baby’s daddy. Other signs include, but are not limited to:  forwarding quotes she was not smart enough to write herself, sending out narcissistic surveys, or frequently providing over-the-top shout outs to bad primetime TV shows.

Because these women are not going to the gym, having sex, or partaking in fun social events, they are extremely irritable and socially awkward. One-on-one interaction may be especially uncomfortable unless conducted via streaming internet chat with live web camera.Of course, any Fopper will be able to help you set up your chatting software and web cam as they are unusually skilled with computers.Men should be aware that prolonged exposure to women with F.O.P.S. can lead to frequent frustration, intermittent embarrassment, and chronic violations of privacy.

When considering treatment and therapy, it is important to distinguish a rare strain of Foppers in which a woman regularly uploads Facebook photos displaying abnormally high levels of cleavage. This unique condition should be treated with a strict regimen of positive reinforcement.This special strain is non-threatening to the carrier and may actually help stave off the perpetual loneliness commonly associated with Foppers patients.

As for the more common strand of Foppers, the disease spreads quickly and can be terminal unless detected in the very early stages. At this time, the only known treatment  for late stage cases is to wrap the afflicted individual in red gauze.

Note: if you encounter a lady with Foppers disease and don’t notice any symptoms or irregularities, she is likely either a political activist, a struggling blogger, or a club promoter.

Tweet