Red Flag #29: She only buys high-end hair products…
It’s called early stage dating espionage. Women check guys’ medicine cabinets for prescription pain pills, STD medications, and paternity test results. Men check girls’ bathroom cabinets and bathtubs for high-end hair products.
Women get scared off if they find a stash of Valium. Men start planning an exit strategy if the average price of her hair products is more than fifteen dollars a bottle.
It makes sense why you wouldn’t want to date a guy who’s self-medicating with pills, fighting off the clap, and soon to be an absentee father. But you may not understand why WE won’t date YOU because of your affinity for high-end hair products. Let us explain…
Guys understand the notion of paying a little more for products that perform better than their less expensive competitors. We just don’t think this notion applies to hair care. I mean, there’s a reason that Old Spice sells us ‘all-in-one’ products that wash our hair, clean our skin, perfume our body, and work as a late night lubricant. We view these personal care products as a commodity. We buy them maybe three times a year and they’re always less than $10.
So when we see your bathtub lined with fifty dollar bottles of ‘Bumble and Bumble’, ‘Paul Mitchell,’ and ‘Kerastase,’ we start to think that you’re easily fooled by marketing campaigns and you think beauty can be bought.
When guys are fooled by crafty marketing, it’s for cheap stuff that’s triple-hops-brewed and comes in a vortex bottle. When you get duped, though, it’s all in the name of Tea Tree Oil from under some organic rock in a country you’ve never heard of, but are pretty sure exists. It was extracted by the bare hands of a withered old man, infused with rare moisturizing crystals, and then sprinkled with fairy dust. All for the extremely fair price of $30. What they don’t tell you is that your hair will smell like a peed-on, cardboard box.
And so we’re left to think about what other marketing hoaxes will fool you next. Will you want us sleeping next to you on a Tempurpedic mattress, driving you around on an overpriced Vespa, and using Enzyte to make our peen bigger?
