Red Flag #28: She’s a bartender…

We can think of a few reasons why some of you ladies might think mixing mojitos is a great gig.

The cash flow is decent and you can hide most of it from Uncle Sam.  And hey, talk about a social scene, right?  Night after night, you’re where everyone knows your name.  And if they don’t know your name, they’ll want to know it – because being a bartender automatically takes you up a couple of notches on the hotness scale.

Plus you know how to make every weird drink imaginable.  Flaming Dr. Pepper, check. Red Headed Sluts, affirmative. Kamikaze…oh you betcha.  You’re a fun-loving girl handing out booze left and right – what’s not to like?

Well, you’re about to find out.  Let’s look at the scarlet strands that make up this red flag.

First of all, we can say goodbye to good sleep. You’ll come home from the bar all amped up, reeking of booze, ears still ringing, and unable to sleep. Meanwhile, we need to drag ourselves out of bed at 7am so we can go sit in a cubicle farm to work on Monday’s TPS reports. We’re halfway to the promise land of that oh-so-good REM sleep and you’re hitting the pillow wanting to chat about bar dramas and baby mamas.

Your upside down working hours also mean you’ll want to party when everyone else doesn’t. “OMG, it’s Sunday night – let’s go craaaaaazy!” While your enthusiasm is appreciated, we’re about to launch into another week of this “office thing” and anything more than a remote control and a mindless show like Entourage is asking a lot. Sooner or later, we all know what’s going to happen.

You’re going to cheat on us.

Between the clean-shaven, heavy-tipping regulars and the random bearded hipsters with double earrings and sleeve tats, odds are good that you’ll find some guy that strikes your fancy. Think we’re just paranoid? Imagine if our job was the Social Chair at a sorority.

Before we give up on you, though, we have a proposition.  After all, it is kind of hot that you’re a bartender and you’re probably cooler and better in bed than most girls we date. So let’s try to work this out.

All you have to do is admit to us that bartending isn’t a real job and that team meetings should consist of more than figuring out whether the Tuesday special should be Cranberry Vodka or Rum & Coke. In return, we’ll let you carry on with your story about how this really is a temporary gig and how you’re just saving up for nursing school. This seems fair to us.

After all, it’s the same hand shake agreement we have with our favorite strippers.

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