Red Flag #26: She’s the wrong kind of skinny

There’s good skinny… and then there’s bad skinny. Good skinny usually involves a diet of fruit & vegetables, lean meat, and a few good carbs. Bad skinny, usually involves subsisting on Wheat Thins, Diet Coke, and cigarettes. Good skinny has you in the gym 2-3 times a week doing a mixture of cardio, weight training, and yoga. Bad skinny has you at the gym 5 times a week running on the treadmill while wearing sweatpants as if you were trying to drop weight faster than 50 Cent preparing for that movie that no one has ever seen.  Good skinny will get you tipsy on a few beers, bad skinny has you blacking out on Raspberry Stoli-water and waking up in a bathtub with a red flag floating next to you.

We understand why some women may be confused about what guys think is the ideal body type. Men are horrible at articulating the size and shape of the female companion they really want. What we really want is a girl who’s narrower at the waist, fuller at the hips, and toned without any serious muscle definition. Since that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, we just end up saying we want skinny, or even worse, we just say we don’t want fat. But the fat thing is misleading because we will gladly accept a little extra baby fat in exchange for some femininity (e.g wider hips, fuller breasts, and a palm-able butt). Clearly there’s some gray area, but if your body type resembles that of a fishing pole, a Chinese gymnast, or an inverted triangle,  you’re probably approaching ‘bad skinny’ territory.

We get that some asshole called you fat when you were on Spring Break twelve years ago and now you’re proving that asshole wrong. Well, you’ve made your point loud and clear and it’s time to stop thinking about revenge and start thinking about losing your virginity. We also recognize that some people just have smaller bones, narrower frames, and higher metabolisms, but it’s not impossible to transform one’s figure. It just takes discipline and a little hard work.

For some, it may be as easy as eating more milkshakes and hamburgers. For others, you need to get serious about reshaping your body. If that’s the case then we discovered a few weird body shaping tricks that get women some crazy-fast results (patience gets rewarded for watching, grasshoppah). These weird tricks can practically turn sea lions into mermaids, and red flags into really attractive women.

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