December 7, 2011 5:47 pm

Red Flag #25: She constantly checks her cell phone…

Red Flag #25: She constantly checks her cell phoneWe know, we know. Your iPhone makes it so easy to check text messages, status updates, and Kardashian tweets while you simultaneously gossip with your girls sitting across the table. But the truth is, the most fascinating and attractive women rarely have time to check their phones in social situations. They’re too busy enjoying real life.

Whether it’s that ditz who drives with a cell phone on her lap while you’re in the passenger seat white-knuckling the “oh shit” handle and praying she doesn’t side swipe the KinderCare van in the next lane; or the buzz kill who ignores a dinner conversation with friends while texting some guy who never called back, the message comes in loud and clear…it starts with red and ends with flag.

You might think that peeking at your cell phone during social situations makes you look in-demand, well-connected, or ‘OMG…SOOOO BUSY!,’ but it just makes you look autistic.

The red flag rule for cell phones is this: you can only check it once per hour during social situations, and NEVER during a conversation or some other activity that requires your full attention. We still see brazen violations of this rule, even amongst our friends who know it well. Our favorite story:

We were out partying and playing beach volleyball when our friend, let’s call her Brenda, joined us a little late. (Just so you get the mental image, she’s a 5’1”, cute brunette with perky, fake boobs and a nice body despite having no real athletic inclination. She’s like a better-looking Snooki, minus the pickle obsession). Anyway, she shows up at the beach, says a quick hello to everyone, grabs a cup of rum punch, then immediately plops down on her towel and whips out her phone.

For the next half hour we could have been doing naked Jazzercise with sparklers hanging out our asses and she wouldn’t have noticed. The kicker? When we got home, we saw she had left a post on her Facebook wall that said…

beach volleyball and rum. now if only the clouds would part a lil so i could get a tan!!”

It’s girls like this that frustrate men. In real life, they act insecure, bored, and disinterested, as if the only potential way they can possibly be entertained is by looking at their cell phone. But, on the internet they portray themselves as the most interesting women in the world. It’s like ooohhhh yeah I’m boring as hell in real life but in the fabulous world of the internet I’m the most interesting, crazy, mysterious,  and intriguing person in the world and OMG you should definitely check out my Facebook photo I took of myself in the mirror.

I mean, if a guy were to read Brenda’s Facebook post, he might assume she’s texting Facebook updates with one hand, drinking rum punch in the other, and bouncing the volleyball back over the net with her fake boobs. Now that’s one fascinating woman.In reality, the only interesting thing Brenda’s ever done is let some drunk guy bust a nut in her belly button.

Note One: If you are one of my friends, and you resemble the description of Brenda, and you’re reading this, this is not about you. It’s about one of my other girl friends. You know, that really insecure one. Not you…

Note Two: If you’re going be using you’re cell phone a lot, no matter what…you may want to at least learn how to put your texting skills to good use for your love life. See this link where Rachel Ray interviews a dude who can teach you some sweet texting skills.

You decide: how red is this flag?
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  • Saywhat?

    Red Flag for everyone.

  • john

    Same applies for guys.

  • Louis

    i just went on a date with a girl who checked her phone every 5 minutes for the whole night, start to end. she kept saying oh im sorry oh im sorry, its just that i just got tickets to some event and im really excited and im texting my friend blah blah. oh man it was painful. i was thinking, girl, if you know its rude why do you keep doing it? the kicker was she was picked up after the date ended by her guy friend, whom she explained was like a platonic boyfriend or something. great. this is the concept of a red flag: is it wrong? no, it’s only wrong insofar as what you believe in, what you value, what you hold to be true. if they don’t see it that way well then they’re not for you and they might not believe what they’re doing is wrong. either way, for me, it sucks.

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