Red Flag #12: She smokes cigarettes…

Smoking is a deal breaker, but smoking socially is a red flag. Since a guy won’t know if you’re a puff-a-night or a pack-a-day kind of girl, you better make the distinction clear because this day and age we assume that all chronic smokers are either arrogant Euros or ignorant rednecks. When we see otherwise intelligent women start doing foolish things, it’s time for Red Flags to get involved.

The real irony of these girls and their cigarettes is that even the hardcore smokers will agree that smoking is disgusting. They realize that their breath stinks, their clothes reek, and their life expectancy shrinks with each puff. They still won’t quit. They’re either enamored with cigarettes because they like standing with the cool kids outside the bar, blowing smoke rings, and talking about how lame the music is inside, or they’re addicted to the nicotine and their claims suggesting that they can stop smoking anytime are about as believable as J.Lo saying she’s finally found “the one.”

What they don’t realize is that side effects such as the gravelly voice, the wrinkled skin, and the yellow teeth won’t be their worst punishment for smoking. The worst punishment is that they have to date other smokers. They’ve successfully eliminated the overwhelming percentage of eligible bachelors and are stuck dating other knuckleheads who are just as dumb, undisciplined, and smelly as they are. Dating up is out of the question. It’s like they just moved to India and the entry sign says, “Welcome to Bangalore, bitches – we hope you like being Untouchable.”

We’d apologize for that last line if we thought that smokers were scared off by a few harsh words, but they’re not. They aren’t afraid of shit, including death. At least that’s the impression they give when they toke in public. Their flaming cancer sticks send a message that they’re rebellious, counter culture, bohemians, possessing an ambivalence towards their own mortality. They may not be afraid of dying, but are they afraid of dying alone? They should be.

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