March 7, 2012 5:15 pm

Red Flag #11: She won’t eat leftovers…

Red Flag #11: She won't eat leftovers“A woman wrapped herself in Saran Wrap to take weight off. Her husband comes home, sees her, and says, ”Leftovers again?!”   ~Henny Youngman

Here’s some food for thought…if you don’t eat leftovers, that’s a red flag.  And we’re not talking about those of you who just get tired of leftovers every now and then. No, we’re talking about women who just plain refuse to eat them with no further discussion.

First off, if you require a fresh dinner even when perfectly good food is sitting in Tupperware inside our fridge, we’re going to have to either take you out or make a whole new meal. That means you’re costing us at least one of these three things: time, money, or effort.

Second, in today’s green-friendly world, not eating leftovers is pure and simple waste. Remember when your parents fed you that line about how “there are kids starving in Africa”?  Well, there are kids starving in Africa. Eating leftovers won’t change that, but it is a signal that (a) you know you’re lucky to have so much, and (b) you’re not tempting fate to take it all away. Yes, eating leftovers can be seen as a sacrifice to the karma gods.

Consistently refusing leftovers also means you’re an extreme “variety seeker”, and there’s more of this around the corner if we pursue a relationship with you. You’ll say you need new clothes after you’ve been wearing the same stuff for three…weeks…in a row…OMG.  That four month-old car won’t do, you need one with heated seats because your butt gets cold in the morning on the way to work.  Next thing we know, you’ll exclaim to us in the bedroom…that old penis again?

The answer to that is yes. The answer to fixing your red flag? Read on, she who hates starving African children.

The first suggestion is easy: stop being such a snob.  We’re sorry you don’t like the texture of your leftovers, but please suck it up and ask for the damn doggy bag. Maybe that’s not your thing, so let’s help you get creative. Why don’t you invite some of your friends over when we have dinner so you can make sure everything gets eaten? The only prerequisite here is that they are hot and are open to threesomes. After all, sharing is caring.

And finally, maybe you can choose to demonstrate to us you’re not wasteful in other aspects of life. Bring coupons to the grocery store. Recycle. Swallow.

You decide: how red is this flag?
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